Sue Me, Mary Sue
by Bird That Flies At Dawn
Summary: Bella gets invited to Featherstone Academy, a top rated school for Mary-Sues and Gary-Stus. She meets Edward and Alice as well of the rest of the gang. Now her main focus is to take Lauren down and become queen. Mocks various Mary-Sues in literature. Sort of a crackfic...but has plot...
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I have nothing against Twilight characters (I love them!), but they would be the perfect characters for a story like this, and we all know it.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight. :(**

**Bella POV**

I got out of my car slowly, resisting the urge to start posing. All the boys in the area fawned over me, as usual. I payed no mind to them, my heart racing. Would they like me, would they hate me? I hate me! I practically retreated into the corner, sobbing, but a bouncy girl came up to me.

"Don't slit you wrists. Let's be friends!"

I nodded my head. A friend in five seconds, who knew? "I'm new to this academy, you?"

She shook her head. "Naw, I've been her for a couple months." She glanced around quickly before leaning closer, whispering, "It's a lot of drama."

I gasped, nearly passing out. "Competition. That's not good..."

The girl shook herself. "Anyway, I'm Alice."

I smiled. "My name's Bella."

We stood there like that for a moment before the guys ran up to us.

"You're so pretty," one of them said to me, his eyes lighting up.

"Thank you," I responded shyly. Guys always wanted to be near me, yet I was still terrified of them.

"I'm Mike Stanley," he told me. "I think you're the best Mary-Sue this school has to offer."

I blushed, responding, "Thanks."

I felt Alice take my hand, leading me away. "See? You're already so popular!"

I giggled slightly, following her into the dorms, my backpack of items on my back. We approached the receptionist. "You'll be rooming with Lauren."

I turned around to meet eyes with the glaring blonde before quickly turning back to the older lady. "I'd rather room with Alice."

The receptionist looked up, meeting my eyes. Her own glowing orbs seemed to shine. "Yes, right away!"

Alice and I jumped up and down. She mentioned, "Even the adults like you!"

Lauren scoffed, turning the corner, "Sue me, Mary-Sue."

I smirked. "I'd love to bless you, but I don't want to spare any of my awesomeness on you."

Lauren let out a hmph before turning on her heel and striding out of the room, a small posse filing after her.

Alice whispered to me, "That's Lauren, one of the top Mary-Sues of the school. The others would be me, Rosalie, you, Jessica, and Angela."

I nodded my head, taking in all of the information she was feeding me. "What about the Gary-Stus?"

Alice's smile widened. "That would be Jasper, Emmett, Edward, Mike, and Eric."

"I can't wait to meet them," I told the pixie girl.

"I'm sure you can't, but you'll have to wait," she retorted, opening the room to our dorm. "Welcome to our room."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN FOR JORDYN: If you read this or any other chapters of mine and do not review, I will personally kill you, Jordyn. I am totally sick of that and girl, I review your stories so return the favor. Thank you! I'm sorry, JJ, but it is really annoying!**

**Disclaimer: Many times I have wished to own Twilight, but it is not so.**

**Bella POV**

I rolled my eyes. That Lauren character is really annoying. For a Mary-Sue she sure is missing the obvious perfection that the others have. I think I'm going to make her my nemesis.

Alice stood in front of me now, rolling her eyes as I had done the moment before. "When someone asks you if you've lost weight doesn't that mean they thought you were fat?"

I looked Alice up and down. "Alice, you are the complete opposite of fat."

Alice smiled. "Thanks for that. Lauren's just a snob I guess."

"Lauren said that to you?" I asked, my eyes narrowing.

Alice nodded. "Yeah, and I didn't know what to think."

We stared at each other for a moment, contemplating. That was immediately interrupted as a click was heard, the door now opened. Alice stepped into the dorm, her face brightening. "And this is where we are going to be living for the rest of the school year."

I nodded, taking in the room as Alice had decorated it. It was painted a plum, darker at the top and lighter at the bottom. The pinky-purple color complimented the matching sheets and comforters she had placed on the beds. In the corner was a lamp, it's shade a bright white and the light from it reaching to all of the crevices in the medium sized room.

"Wow, Alice. You really know how to decorate," I whispered in awe, my eyes tracing over the masterpiece once again.

Alice grinned at me as we placed my bags near the bed on the left. "Thanks for that, Bella."

"No problem," I told her as I began to unpack, folding the clothes on the bed and placing my other items in neat piles I had started on the floor.

"Let me tell you how this school works," Alice began.

I nodded as I unpacked some pants, wanting to hear more.

Alice seemed to understand this even though she couldn't see me. "We have a sort if competition thing we do. The top Mary-Sue and Gary-Stu are voted to be queen and king at the end of the year. We are constantly trying to win over the masses for that title throughout the year. This is something you will now partake in."

I held my shirt poised in the air for a second before gently setting it down and spinning on my heel. "Is this our new plan to bring Lauren down?"

Alice smiled as if I just got the punchline to some unspoken joke. "It sure is. Now, back to our planning."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I wonder if any of you can guess what Mary-Sue filled fanfic this chapter is based off of.**

**Disclaimer: I do NOT own Twilight!**

**Bella POV**

I scoffed at Lauren. She was so ridiculous, as all flaming preps are. "Shut up, Lauren." I then stuck my middle finger up at her and glared what appeared to be fire.

Out of nowhere, Alice, who stood beside me, burst into tears of blood, which is now totally acceptable to spontaneously happen. "Yeah, you can't understand because you're not goffik."

Lauren laughed evilly, reminding me of Brittany Spears. "Yeah, but I will win the place of queen and I will make Edward fall for me."

"You wish," I retorted, rolling my eyes.

She hmphed and threw her hair over her shoulder, spinning on her heel. "Whatever Ebony...I mean, Bella."

Alice glanced at me with her eyes that had become red out of nowhere. "Lauren is soooo going to regret that."

Mike ran around the corner, kneeling at my feet. "I'm giving you this ring for a reason."

"And what would that be?" I asked as I glanced at the piece of jewelry, finding it worthy to be placed on my finger.

"Because I love you!" he proclaimed loudly.

I just waved him off. "Just like everyone else."

I then stalked over to Alice, leaving Mike behind me. Her and I were wearing matching black MCR shirts and black miniskirts with red fishnet stockings. Yeah, for one day in our whole life we were being goffik. Got a problem with that? If you do you are a flaming prep or something else that is meant to be insulting but means absolutely nothing to the reading audience.

Alice and I laughed as we sauntered past the still gaping Mike and some posers. We got angry all of a sudden and flipped them off, too. Then, because the author is totally out of it, we have our outfits reexplained. Alice and I are wearing purple tight t-shirts with lace all around the edges and black miniskirts, black fishnet stockings decorating our legs.

"OMFG! No! My face hurts!" Alice screamed.

"Maybe it's because you just cried blood!" I screamed back in panic.

Then again, the situation was repeated, most likely because the author totally forgot what the heck she was doing.

"OMFG! No! My face hurts!" Alice screamed.

"Maybe it's because you just cried blood!" I screamed back in panic.

Now we ignore that meaningless yelling session and move on. I mean, with Mary-Sues the plot isn't important, is it?

Alice and I laughed, she still with blood all over her, seeing as she never cleaned it up. Mike approached me again, now wearing poser clothes. That weirdo. "Get away from me, Mike!"

"But I love you, Bella!" he told me, on his knees again.

I snorted. "Everyone does. I'm going to be the queen."

"Bella, I love you!" Mike tried again.

Now we have some spelling errors, because Mary-Sues don't have to rely on proper English to actually talk and be audible.

"Leav ma alon u posr!" I shouted, fleeing the room. Alice was on my heel as we entered our dorm room.

**AN: If you guessed ****My Immortal****, then you would be correct!**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: If you guys have any Mary-Sue filled fics you want me to use to make mockery chapters, then I would be glad to use them! Just let me know.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Wow, that was simply said.**

"Who is that?"

Alice turned her head, glancing over her shoulder. "Oh, that's my brother."

I looked Alice up and down. She was pale and had the yellow eyes, but her jet black hair that spiked wildly in various directions and short, lithe build had nothing on this man's looks. He seemed strong, the muscles visible, but in a lean way. His bronze hair was tousled, pulling off the dirty yet clean look. It was a perfect balance of two complete opposites. His bright flaxen eyes were like an exact match of his "sister's", but they were different all the same. Alice's were excited, projecting her giddiness. The bronze haired guy's eyes held a saddened indifference, almost as if he didn't know what he was missing out on.

"That's your brother?" I asked incredulously, realizing that they looked alike yet nothing the same.

"Well, adopted brother," she corrected, waving her hand.

"Oh, what's his name?" I was curious now. His appearance had been striking, but something pushed me to change his ignorance into knowledge.

"Edward."

With that single word out there, I was reminded of previous conversations and fights. "Oh, you mean the Gary-Stu? The one Lauren is after?"

Alice chuckled. "Yeah, that's the one. He's not interested though."

Okay, I will honestly admit that my heart gave a little flutter at her comment. First off, Lauren did NOT deserve a guy like that! Second, my desires to help the poor kid as I stated earlier! "Well, that's a relief."

"What did you say?" Alice turned her apprehensive golden eyes onto me, and I practically felt myself melting under the lava rocks she was boring into me.

"Nothing, it's nothing." Well no duh I was going to try and pass off my early statement as to sedate her worries! This is her brother we're talking about!

Alice was obviously not satisfied with the news I gave her, and she frowned. If you can frown wider than you can smile, I'm pretty sure this girl just pulled it off. How though, I'm not entirely sure...and as of why, I have no clue about that either. She almost immediately brightened. "Hey, why don't you come sit with us?"

My shyness set in, but I couldn't object as she pulled me along roughly. "Alright."

We approached the table, and I wondered how she took such huge steps so quickly. I didn't ponder it long though. The others at the table looked up then. They all shared the paleness and the yellow eyes. Were they really not related? Well, other than that they looked nothing alike. Maybe they were just wearing contacts.

My doubts really set it when Alice leaned towards the blonde boy and kissed him on the cheek. Okay, so this was either incest or they were being truthful in not being related. I'm going with the second option.

"Hey, guys, this is Bella."


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Okay, another Mockery Chapter was requested (you can request one whenever you want). This one is for "Twila, Da Girl Who Fell In Lov W/ A Vampir."**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or "Twila, Da Girl Who Was In Lov W/ A Vampir."**

**Bella POV (As all of the chapters are)**

Alice and I were sitting in our dorm room...again. This time, however, we were trying to figure out a good plan for me to become queen instead of Lauren.

"You know," Alice started, "you could always turn into a best and rip her throat out."

"What!" I exclaimed. "That sounds like some kind of crappy trollfic."

Alice waved me off. "It was just an idea, and I got it from a real fic."

I quirked my eyebrow, but said nothing more.

Alice burst into tears of blood again. Had that comment really offended her to such a large degree? "Alice?"

Blood continued to streaked down her face, and I wondered how such a feat was even possible. Was it not possible for her to cry regular tears?

Then, as if she had self predicted something, she turned into this odd beast with red eyes. I screamed and ran for the door, but Alice blocked it. "What the hell, Alice! I'm trying to run away from you. Why would you block the bloody door?"

"I'm going to suck you dry and rip your throat out because I wasted all of my blood when I cried those tears for no reason!" she shrieked.

"That doesn't make any sense!" I replied loudly, trying to get around her.

"I'm a vampire, a.k.a. a sparkly fairy, so it doesn't have to," Alice informed me.

"Oh my Satan..." I whispered in awe at what Alison had just said.

"Yeah, and you're goth and a loner!"

"Since when am I—" I looked down to see I was creepily not wearing the items I had been five minutes prior. I was clothed in a black lace dress, the ebony frilling slightly lighter and darker when it hit the light. I tried to straighten myself, but then fell out of a chair. "Where did that chair come from?"

Before Alice could answer, the door was knocked down, crushing her. In walked a bat—which actually flew—and Edward, his black lipstick and once again goth clothing making him look "smexi."

I glanced back to where Alice's feet and hands stuck out from the dark brown door. Surely that had killed her. Just glancing at the heavy door and those on top of it I knew the hit had to be fatal.

Edward caught me staring, and told me, "She'll be fine. She's a vampire."

"Um...okay?" I let out. "And what's with the bat?"

"Oh, that's my brother Emmett. He changed forms because he's excited," Edward explained with a goth grin before jumping around and dancing, something most goths do as an awesome pastime.

I didn't know what was going on, but I started to dance with Edward, assuming Alison would be fine with Emmett hovering over her.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Okay, so here's another suggested Mockery Chapter. This one is based off of Disney Princesses.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the Disney Princesses. I am also not making any money from this fanfiction.**

**Bella POV**

**OOOOO**

"I can make all of your dreams come true!"

Alice looked up from the book she was reading, and suddenly poofed into a magical fairy godmother. "Do you work too hard and never get what you want. Is everybody always mean to you and your life couldn't possibly get worse? Which doesn't even make sense because if this is the olden days then you could just run away, and if it's modern days then you tell someone about the child abuse. Anyway…"

"Yes. My name is Cinderbella and everything you just said is true," I said, my clothes haggard and falling to pieces. The rags were gross and appeared to have been used before they were sloppily sown together and thrown upon my body.

"I can make everything better for you then with a dress and a pair of glass slippers," Alice the Fairy Godmother said, smiling brightly. Her pink dress was puffy, and as she waved her wand bright glitter shone around it in a wide array of rainbow colors.

I was suddenly poofed into a long flowing blue gown, the lace around the seams a pure white. Indeed my slippers were made of glass, but somehow I still found them comfortable.

"Even though I'm teaching small children that all that matters is wealth, beauty, and the power to be above everybody else, I'm still completely enjoying what I'm doing!" Alice the fairy Godmother exclaimed, nodding in appreciation as she stared at my outfit. "Go now, Cinderbella, and find you knight or prince or whatever."

I nodded and laughed giddily. "Thank you, Alice the Fairy Godmother. I'll definitely become queen with your help."

Alice the Fairy Godmother bowed. "No problem." Then, with more glitter surrounding her, she disappeared.

I pranced out into the hall, more confident now because of my expensive clothing and dangerous shoes that could probably be counted as a weapon. Boys swooned as I passed them, and girls glared with jealousy. I imagined them with a red haze around them, but other than that and my high pitched laughter, I ignored them.

Mike stepped up to me, but I sent him one of my own dangerous glares. "I don't think so, Mike."

"Okay, Cinderbella," he sighed, stepping away from me.

I spotted Edward ahead of me then, and I skipped up to him, giving him a light kiss. He looked down at me with shock before realizing who it was. "Hey, Cinderbella."

"Hey," I replied.

I caught Lauren's eyes piercing my own, and I smiled wider at her jealousy and outrage.

I had won Edward, and now all that was left was to win the crown. That's all I needed to complete my look anyway. Everything was going to be perfect.


	7. Chapter 7

**Bella POV**

**OOOOO**

Lauren was done with. I was done with her. I was totally and completely a better Mary-Sue than her. No one could argue about that. Not even she could.

I strode to her door with passion, fashion, and everything else model-like with a touch of perfect. My jeans were skin-tight and fit me just right. My light colored camisole showed off my figure and brought attention to my chocolate brown eyes. My hair fell to the middle of my back in perfect waves. All in all I was eye catching. I definitely deserved to be queen.

I knocked on her door twice. I wanted to make sure she answered. Lauren threw open the door, her blue eyes taking in my outfit with disdain before looking at my face. "What do you want, Bella?"

I sighed, leaning against the wall slightly. "I just wanted to let you know what you're up against, Lauren."

She raised one eyebrow in question, her face forming into a sneer. "Oh, and what would that be?"

I laughed loudly, covering my lips with my hand. "Oh, nothing. Just that you stand no chance against me in running for queen!"

Her eyes narrowed, looking at me straight. "And why would that be, Bella?"

I smirked, knowing I had caught her. "You know I'm a better Mary-Sue than you. That's why. You'll never win the votes with me here at this school."

Lauren's anger immediately showed on her face. Her teeth clenched, and she balled her hands into fists. "We'll just see about that won't we?"

I leaned my full body weight against the door then, sighing slightly. This girl was stubborn. She just didn't give up! "I don't think we'll be seeing much of you."

"Oh really?" she hissed, her eyes glaring daggers at me.

"Yeah," I snapped. "I know for a fact that you won't win queen."

"That's something we'll see about," she growled lethally.

I smiled innocently, waving to her. "See you at voting tomorrow, Lauren!"

She grinned, completely willing to show off her cockiness. "Alright then, Bella, see you tomorrow!"

With that, the door was slammed in my face and I was left standing in the hallway. Oh, yes. There was no way I was going to lose this competition.


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: This is the last chapter! I hope you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, and I am not making any money from this fanfiction.**

**Bella POV**

**OOOOO**

Here Lauren and I were, standing next to each other as the candidates for queen. Everyone else had been spooked out of running, leaving just us to take the entire stage.

"Get ready to be princess," I muttered.

She laughed snarkily. "Yeah right."

I rolled my eyes, replying, "I'm serious, because the princess tiara is the only one you're going to get to wear."

"You wish," she retorted.

I wasn't able to reply because the principal interrupted, announcing, "Class, it is a great honor to be named queen or king at this school."

He pointed to Lauren and I on one side and the Gary-Stus on the other side. We smiled brightly, waving at the crowd and hoping they voted for us.

"Now I'll announce the candidates," he said. He turned to the Gary-Stus first. "The candidates for king are Edward and Mike." He rotated and faced Lauren and I, raising his hand. "The candidates for queen and Lauren and Bella."

We smiled again, and I even threw in a little four finger wave.

"It's time to announce our winners," the principal told the crowd as they cheered. He beamed and went to grab a slip of paper from another student. He opened it, reading, "The king for this year is Edward Cullen!"

The screams and cheers grew even louder as the crown was placed on Edward's head. He grinned and winked, causing the girls to screech at extremely high volumes, and I had to force back a giggle. Way to win them over, Cullen.

The principal left to grab another slip of paper. "And the queen for this year is Bella Swan!"

Cheers for me echoed around the room as well, and I smiled broadly as I felt the weight of the crown. I did it! I was queen!

The principal lifted his arms above his head. "And now it's time for the first dance. Edward? Bella?"

I glided over to Edward, still ecstatic about my win. "Would you like to dance?"

"Of course." He offered me his hand which I happily took.

Everything had gone perfectly. I was queen, and I was with Edward. There wasn't anything else that I wanted.


End file.
